It’s been great ever since I told Miya I liked her. The feeling of awkwardness I’ve been feeling whenever I tried approaching her is almost gone. It might have been just my imagination, but it also seemed as if Miya’s smile became more vibrant after that time. As if I’ve been seeing her smile for the first time.
We still continued seeing each other on the roof. There were times when I didn’t bring my lucky charm with me. Miya still continued to act disappointed every time I left it. Makes me wonder what it is the necklace has that amuses her so.
We never brought back the topic of my confession. I think she knew that talking about it will embarrass me. Every time we were up there, it seemed as if we could never run out of things to talk about. It was as if we could find something interesting in the daily occurrences of each other’s lives. I really like the feeling. I wish I could just somehow record these feelings and just get it back whenever I lose it.
I really don’t want to admit it. But I’ve been having some foreboding feeling that something’s bound to go wrong. The happier I get, the closer I feel to the moment when the axe falls on me. It’s as if I feel that I’m not meant to be happy.
I didn’t mention this to her since I don’t want to jinx it. Maybe it’s all just in my imagination. Maybe I found where I truly belong… and the person I’m meant to be with.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Day4
I noticed that every time I wore that necklace, I felt more at ease with Miya. Because of that, I’ve been wearing that necklace every time I went up the school roof. Miya seemed to like me to wear the thing and seemed disappointed each time I didn’t do so. And because Miya seemed to have fun whenever I wear it, I often wore it before we meet in the usual place. As of today, it’s been three weeks that I’ve worn it when meeting her. And unlike before, Miya always went there even during busy days. It was this afternoon that I’ve found out why.
When I went up there, I saw her staring at the sunset. I assumed she didn’t hear me come in and walked to her right. And without looking, she whispered my name.
“Kyosei-kun,” I hear her whisper.
“Hmm?” I turned to her.
I saw her breathe deeply before talking. “How do you feel…” she paused and turned to me before continuing, “…about me? What am I to you?” she asked with a worried look on her face.
She looked so beautiful then, her bangs covering her left eye while her right eye seemed like it’s looking right through me. But at the time, I couldn’t take time to appreciate how she looked. I felt myself flush and I looked back at the sunset, hoping it would seem like the redness of my face was colored by the setting sun.
“Y-you’re a great friend. No, you’re my best friend,” I told her. “Why?” I asked, trying to remove the pressure from me.
“I wanted to know if you felt something more toward me,” I could only listen to her say. I turned to her a little bit before she continued. “I wanted to know if I’m a special person in your life.” She looked back at the sunset.
At that moment, I think I’ve never flushed more in my whole life. I wanted to tell her that she is special to me; that I like her. I felt that if I did, she’d tell me that I’m special to her as well. My mind raced. Seconds felt like minutes, and that’s too much time taken to answer the question. Suddenly she turned at me with a big grin on her face.
“Gotcha!” she giggled. “I’m just kidding around! What, you really took everything seriously?” Turning back to the view, she raised her hands victoriously and exclaimed, “I’m really good at this!”
I stared at her, puzzled by everything that happened. The weight of that conversation seemed too heavy to simply be a joke. I watched the joy fade away from her eyes and her smile shake. I told myself that if there was a perfect time to confess, that time would be it. But before I could say anything, Miya looked my way again.
“Whatsamatter? I already said it was a joke. Forget I ever said anything!” she insisted; her smile, shaking.
“I like you, Miya” I whispered.
I’m not sure whether I was able to say that out loud. But the look of momentary surprise on her face, followed by a quiet smile of relief told me she heard.
When I went up there, I saw her staring at the sunset. I assumed she didn’t hear me come in and walked to her right. And without looking, she whispered my name.
“Kyosei-kun,” I hear her whisper.
“Hmm?” I turned to her.
I saw her breathe deeply before talking. “How do you feel…” she paused and turned to me before continuing, “…about me? What am I to you?” she asked with a worried look on her face.
She looked so beautiful then, her bangs covering her left eye while her right eye seemed like it’s looking right through me. But at the time, I couldn’t take time to appreciate how she looked. I felt myself flush and I looked back at the sunset, hoping it would seem like the redness of my face was colored by the setting sun.
“Y-you’re a great friend. No, you’re my best friend,” I told her. “Why?” I asked, trying to remove the pressure from me.
“I wanted to know if you felt something more toward me,” I could only listen to her say. I turned to her a little bit before she continued. “I wanted to know if I’m a special person in your life.” She looked back at the sunset.
At that moment, I think I’ve never flushed more in my whole life. I wanted to tell her that she is special to me; that I like her. I felt that if I did, she’d tell me that I’m special to her as well. My mind raced. Seconds felt like minutes, and that’s too much time taken to answer the question. Suddenly she turned at me with a big grin on her face.
“Gotcha!” she giggled. “I’m just kidding around! What, you really took everything seriously?” Turning back to the view, she raised her hands victoriously and exclaimed, “I’m really good at this!”
I stared at her, puzzled by everything that happened. The weight of that conversation seemed too heavy to simply be a joke. I watched the joy fade away from her eyes and her smile shake. I told myself that if there was a perfect time to confess, that time would be it. But before I could say anything, Miya looked my way again.
“Whatsamatter? I already said it was a joke. Forget I ever said anything!” she insisted; her smile, shaking.
“I like you, Miya” I whispered.
I’m not sure whether I was able to say that out loud. But the look of momentary surprise on her face, followed by a quiet smile of relief told me she heard.