Day10

Christmas arrived. The air felt colder than usual. Coffee shops were getting more crowded than usual. Street vendors got more and more customers. Some people sought warmth from the trash cans they used as fireplaces. Looking around the streets, one would find people warming themselves however they can. Maybe I should do the same, having lost the warmth I've had in the days now gone.

The day started from a call I received from her. I arrived at the park, where she told me she’d meet me, at around 1pm. She was already there waiting for me, wearing a pink sweater underneath a light white jacket. She waved at me when she noticed me, showing a smile I’ve almost forgotten about. Seeing her smile like that again made me feel really happy and relieved, as if something really heavy inside me was lifted. I’ve began feeling what I’ve felt when I was with her before.

The day passed by quickly. It always does when one is having a great time. We started out with a walk around the park, talking about different things. Then we proceeded to the arcade, where we played a few shooting games. Miya then dragged me to a song booth there, where I was awed by her heavenly voice. I joined her in a couple of songs. After that, we watched “Yuki no Kisetsu”, a romance comedy Miya’s been dying to watch. It was a great film, we both laughed a lot at the beginning and Miya cried at the end. I was having a hard time holding back my tears, actually. Anyway, we had dinner afterwards then Miya convinced me to sneak into the school.

We went over the gate, sneaked into a window with a broken lock, and then went up to the school roof. What came next was the last thing I’d expect. Miya walked to her favorite place and I followed her. We looked at the beautiful evening view from there. Everything was lit up by the Christmas decorations and fireworks. Miya sighed deeply then spoke up.

“Did you enjoy the day, Kyosei-kun?” she asked in almost a whisper.

I turned to her, smiled, and nodded. “I enjoyed it a lot.”

“I'm glad,” she said softly. “I wanted to give you a good memory, at least. That way, it would be easier for me to do this.”

“Huh?” I wondered what she was talking about. At that time, I had an idea of what was to come. Inside me, I was sure that this was the axe I’ve been expecting the past few days. But I didn’t want to face it.

“I'm… probably in love… with Hitori.”

I was shocked at what I’ve heard. In my mind, I kept telling myself that she was going to laugh suddenly at my expression. I told myself to change it quickly as she was just joking. But looking at her distant expression kept me from evading the truth. I felt a lump in my throat as she looked straight at me.
“You’re not kidding, are you?” I asked hopefully.

She shook her head slowly in reply. I looked back to the view, which seemed to have become a depressing view. “I’ll be leaving first,” I heard her say, followed by her fading footsteps.

When I heard the door shut, my view began to blur. I sighed deeply and wiped my eyes. Turning to the door, I saw a snowflake fall in front of me.

Day9

I was born with only one parent. My dad passed away before even finding out that my mom was pregnant. Don’t get me wrong. I’m pretty happy with my life. My mother works as a professional accountant in a well-known company. I never heard her complain about how hard it has been for her, and she’s been providing for the two of us. The least I could do for her was to do my best in my studies, so in the future, I could provide for her and the family I might have.

I’m quite satisfied with having a single parent. But that didn't mean that I didn't want to try having a complete family. There are times that my mother is too busy at work that she couldn’t be with me in my moments of glory, like my graduation from primary and secondary school. I always thought that if I had two parents, at least one of them would be around to witness those times. Watching my classmates get their picture taken with their parents left me more than a little depressed. During these moments, I tried to cope by telling myself that my mom needed to work to let me experience more successes like these. It often made me feel better; but those moments of success without her really didn’t feel complete.

I guess what I really wanted was to be with someone. I didn’t want to feel alone anymore. I wanted someone to be there with me in my happiest moments, and someone to lean on to in my saddest ones. And that’s the reason why I wanted to be with Miya so much. Being with her every afternoon to share my feelings and thoughts with made me happier than I ever did.

Maybe I overdid it. Maybe I clung to her so much that I began smothering her. Maybe that was the reason why she seemed to be distancing herself from me. I’m not really sure.

It’s the end of the semester. After Christmas break, I should try my best to give her some space. I just wish that one day we can be together again like before.

Day8

Lately, up on the school roof, Miya seemed less attentive to me. Although we still talk, it was as if her mind was far away. I tried asking her if there was something wrong, but every time I did, she just smiled at me and said that she was fine. I tried everything I could think of doing to change that. It felt like I was slowly losing her. Running out of options, I thought of the necklace, which was still with Hitori.

When he arrived at school this morning, I asked him for it, also curious at what happened when he used it. Unfortunately, he said he still didn’t use it on his crush. Wanting it back as soon as possible, I asked him why.

Hitori hung the necklace around his neck, “Why? Because it looks ridiculous!” he answered with an annoyed tone. “I don’t even know if I should believe that this ugly thing is magic. And if it’s not, then if she sees me wearing it, she will just find me weird.”

I glanced at Miya, who was watching our discussion from her seat, two chairs diagonally left in front of Hitori’s seat. She turned away when she noticed me looking at her. “So you don’t want to use it. Just give it back then,” I replied.

Hitori removed the necklace from his neck and kept it in his bag. “Just give me a few more days. I just need to prepare myself for whatever the outcome might be,” he whispered. “Why do you want it back so badly, anyway? You already have Rinei.”

I felt myself blush a bit before telling him to just hurry up.

This afternoon was like the last few afternoons. Miya still seemed like she was miles away. Even when I told her some of the best jokes I know, she just nodded and continued looking at the scenery. We spent the afternoon with hardly any eye contact. I miss the time when she was still more cheerful. I miss the girl I fell in love with.

Day7

The weirdest thing happened this morning. While waiting for class to start, Hitori arrived and went straight to me. He babbled about this girl he had a crush on, saying he was willing to try anything to get her to notice him. And with that reason, he wanted to borrow my necklace.

I really wanted to just laugh at him for believing what I said. But I thought that doing that would just give him a reason to ask about Miya and me again. Thinking there’s no harm in it, I took the necklace from my bag and lent it to him. After grabbing it from me, Hitori wore it.

“Careful now,” I joked. “We don’t want every girl in the class to fall for you, do we?”

“We don’t?” he asked, half-jokingly, I think.

Miya then entered the room. She stared at us for a moment then waved, before proceeding to her seat. Our teacher came in afterwards and classes began.

At the end of classes, Hitori rushed out of the room, to go see his crush, I believe. I took my time to fix my things before going up to the rooftop again. When I arrived, Miya was already there, watching the descending sun.

“You’ll get blind like that,” I said, just to let my presence be known.

“Maybe it’s better that way,” she giggled, turning to me. “Then my heart will only judge people by what’s inside.”

I just shrugged in reply, not having anything to say to that.

We watched the scenery for a while after that. I don’t know what it is. But there’s something about her that makes the scenery beautiful. Maybe it’s like that when you’re with a person you like.

“By the way,” Miya interrupted. “You seem to have had quite a discussion with Hitori yesterday… Oh, and today, I’m guessing?”

Caught unprepared for the statement, I just looked at her blankly for a while. “Oh- that… Well, he was wondering how we suddenly got close and suspected that we’ve been secretly dating.”

“Mmm? And what did you say?” she asked. She then eyed my neck and added, “Hey, you’re not wearing your necklace,” she complained playfully.

“I just made up some story about magic bringing us together,” I laughed. “As for the necklace, Hitori borrowed it this morning.”

“Oh, yeah. I did see him wearing it this morning…” she said, turning back to the scenery. Resting her chin on her folded arms on the handrail, she added, “Magic, huh? That’s cute.”

I didn’t want to tell her what my story really was, since it would give her the idea that I was wearing the necklace for her. That would make things weird.

We just silently watched the sunset after that. I took a few glances her way, but she seemed deep in thought and I didn’t want to bother her. After the sun was gone, Miya told me she had to go. We walked down to the gate together before separating.

Day6

Miya and I have started talking to one another and spending more time with each other even below the school roof. Most of us in our class eat inside the classroom. We would arrange our chairs to face our lunch mates and eat together. Hitori, my best friend, and I often eat together, except when we’re grouped for projects and we have to work on them during lunch. Miya used to eat with the girls, depending on who invited her to join them. She would just eat with them silently, but they enjoy having her eat with them nonetheless. Recently, Miya would sometimes just decide to join Hitori and me during lunch, taking her seat with the two of us. Honestly, it’s embarrassing whenever she did that as the others would just stare at us, wondering what’s up. This afternoon, after lunch, Hitori couldn’t keep his suspicions to himself any longer. A few minutes after rearranging the chairs, he just came to my seat, slammed my table and asked away.

“How the heck did it happen?” he asked in a low voice.

Of course, I was surprised. I didn’t get what he was referring to at that moment, and all I could respond with was, “Huh?”

“Why did you and Rinei suddenly spend so much time together, as if you’ve been so close for a long time?” he momentarily glanced at Miya, who was writing something on her notebook, before proceeding. “Ah, you two secretly dated, didn’t you?”

The idea of him spying on us on the roof didn’t seem like a good idea and I really didn’t have any other answer in mind. My mind raced. Knowing that my answer would be suspicious if I took a lot of time to reply, I just blurted out “Necklace.”

I suddenly thought of the necklace. I’m still wondering why it came to mind. But I just went with what I’ve started. “I found a necklace one morning,” I said as I searched my bag for it. Finding it and bringing it out to show him, I continued, “Just for fun, I wore it. I noticed then that a girl was staring at me but quickly looked away when I saw her. I-” Before I could say anymore, the bell rang.

Hitori sighed and walked back to his seat. I thought he realized I was wasting his time with that fairytale. But I was proven wrong when he came back after classes to finish my story. I saw Miya looking at me, gesturing something. I assumed she was asking if I was planning to go up, in which I shook my head to let her know that I won’t. She nodded before leaving.

“So, what happened?” Hitori asked.

I wanted so much to hit his head and just tell him I was making the story up, but I decided to just continue. “At first, I thought the necklace looked good on me. But after noticing other girls look my way, as if they wanted to approach me, I realized that the necklace was magic.”

“Wha? Magic?” Hitori scoffed.

It amused me that it took so long for him to realize I was kidding. But I continued anyway. “Yes,” I whispered, fixing my stuff. I looked around, as if checking if anyone else is listening before I continued. “It somehow allows me to attract any girl I want,” I whispered.

“Oh yeah? Prove it!” Hitori said as I stood up and carried my bag.

“I don’t want to be swarmed with females,” I answered.

“Okay, then why choose Rinei? There are more attractive girls to use it on!”

“She just happened to be the one to saw me wearing it.”

As we walked out of the room, I noticed him looking at me with suspicion. I sighed, “Look, I know you don’t believe me. But that’s the truth. If you think I’m wasting your time, then forget it.”

We silently left the school grounds. I heard him grunt a bit before we separated. Hopefully, he realized I have no intention of telling him the truth, or, better yet, believed everything. That would be fun.

Day5

It’s been great ever since I told Miya I liked her. The feeling of awkwardness I’ve been feeling whenever I tried approaching her is almost gone. It might have been just my imagination, but it also seemed as if Miya’s smile became more vibrant after that time. As if I’ve been seeing her smile for the first time.

We still continued seeing each other on the roof. There were times when I didn’t bring my lucky charm with me. Miya still continued to act disappointed every time I left it. Makes me wonder what it is the necklace has that amuses her so.

We never brought back the topic of my confession. I think she knew that talking about it will embarrass me. Every time we were up there, it seemed as if we could never run out of things to talk about. It was as if we could find something interesting in the daily occurrences of each other’s lives. I really like the feeling. I wish I could just somehow record these feelings and just get it back whenever I lose it.

I really don’t want to admit it. But I’ve been having some foreboding feeling that something’s bound to go wrong. The happier I get, the closer I feel to the moment when the axe falls on me. It’s as if I feel that I’m not meant to be happy.

I didn’t mention this to her since I don’t want to jinx it. Maybe it’s all just in my imagination. Maybe I found where I truly belong… and the person I’m meant to be with.

Day4

I noticed that every time I wore that necklace, I felt more at ease with Miya. Because of that, I’ve been wearing that necklace every time I went up the school roof. Miya seemed to like me to wear the thing and seemed disappointed each time I didn’t do so. And because Miya seemed to have fun whenever I wear it, I often wore it before we meet in the usual place. As of today, it’s been three weeks that I’ve worn it when meeting her. And unlike before, Miya always went there even during busy days. It was this afternoon that I’ve found out why.

When I went up there, I saw her staring at the sunset. I assumed she didn’t hear me come in and walked to her right. And without looking, she whispered my name.

“Kyosei-kun,” I hear her whisper.

“Hmm?” I turned to her.

I saw her breathe deeply before talking. “How do you feel…” she paused and turned to me before continuing, “…about me? What am I to you?” she asked with a worried look on her face.

She looked so beautiful then, her bangs covering her left eye while her right eye seemed like it’s looking right through me. But at the time, I couldn’t take time to appreciate how she looked. I felt myself flush and I looked back at the sunset, hoping it would seem like the redness of my face was colored by the setting sun.

“Y-you’re a great friend. No, you’re my best friend,” I told her. “Why?” I asked, trying to remove the pressure from me.

“I wanted to know if you felt something more toward me,” I could only listen to her say. I turned to her a little bit before she continued. “I wanted to know if I’m a special person in your life.” She looked back at the sunset.

At that moment, I think I’ve never flushed more in my whole life. I wanted to tell her that she is special to me; that I like her. I felt that if I did, she’d tell me that I’m special to her as well. My mind raced. Seconds felt like minutes, and that’s too much time taken to answer the question. Suddenly she turned at me with a big grin on her face.

“Gotcha!” she giggled. “I’m just kidding around! What, you really took everything seriously?” Turning back to the view, she raised her hands victoriously and exclaimed, “I’m really good at this!”

I stared at her, puzzled by everything that happened. The weight of that conversation seemed too heavy to simply be a joke. I watched the joy fade away from her eyes and her smile shake. I told myself that if there was a perfect time to confess, that time would be it. But before I could say anything, Miya looked my way again.

“Whatsamatter? I already said it was a joke. Forget I ever said anything!” she insisted; her smile, shaking.

“I like you, Miya” I whispered.

I’m not sure whether I was able to say that out loud. But the look of momentary surprise on her face, followed by a quiet smile of relief told me she heard.

Day3

I found a weird looking necklace on my way to school. It looked like a brown shrunken head with a long thread attached to the ears, for the sake of making it look like a necklace. Two hair-like strands pierced through what seemed like the head and below the head were two oddly shaped grayish things that can be imagined as hands holding the chin. To describe it simply, it looked like crap with a thread stuck on it. I kept it in my bag as a conversation piece and went directly to school.

During recess, I saw Miya seated on her seat, reading a pocketbook. I don’t know why my action didn’t feel awkward to me that time. But I approached her, weird necklace at hand and placed it between her and her pocketbook. Although I must say, her reaction that time was worth picking up the dumb thing for. She was very surprised when the necklace suddenly appeared in her sight.

She jumped a bit, her seat screeched loudly as it rubbed against the floor. “What the heck?” she angrily cried at me.

Both of us looked around to see if people are staring at us. Fortunately, only a few people looked at us and they only looked for a few seconds before looking away.

I laughed a bit and told her that I found it on the way to school.

After calming down, Miya closed her book and examined the necklace, turning it around as if searching for a button. “Ugly little rascal you got here… What is it?” she asked, her eyes still glued to the weird object.

“I think it’s a necklace,” I answered.

“Why did you bring it?” she asked. But before I could answer, the bell rang.

Miya shoved the necklace back at me and I went to my seat. Our conversation continued after classes, at the usual place.

In the rooftop, the moment I entered, Miya turned to me and asked me where the necklace is. I took it out of my bag and showed it to her.

“So, why did you take it?” she asked. “If I were you, I would have left it where I found it or throw it in the trash.”

Not wanting to admit that I just brought it along as a conversation piece, I wore the ugly thing and acted proud of it. “Eh? I thought it looked cool on me.”

I’m not sure if it was just my imagination. But Miya seemed to look at me as if I was a ghost for a moment before laughing, what seemed to me like a forced laugh.

“My eyes are blinded by your awesomeness!” she said with a joking tone.

After a few hours of jokes and laughter, Miya told me it’s time for her to go and asked me if I wanted to walk down with her. Of course, I agreed and walked down with her. Since our paths home from the school gate were different, when we arrived at the gate, I bade her goodbye.

“See you tomorrow, Rinei!” I said.

“Call me Miya!” She smiled. “That is… if I could call you Kyosei.” she continued, looking cuter than usual.

I was surprised with what she just said. “Sure!” I quickly answered.

She giggled a bit before waving and leaving. I then walked home, listening to the loud beating of my heart.

Day2

Aside from after classes, today was just like other days. I went to school, listened to the rambling of our teachers, waited for recess, ate some snacks while talking to my friends, more ramblings from teachers, waited for lunch, ate lunch… You know the routine. At each moment, I felt as if time was moving slower than ever. Anyway, I’ll skip those and go to the more interesting part.

Rinei and I were in the school roof, as usual. She was talking to me about her views on love, her favorite topic. Honestly, only around 20% of what she talked about registered in my mind. I loved watching her smile as she shared her feelings with me, as if I could never get tired of looking at her. Of course, I don’t just stare at her the whole time. I say some things once in a while so she won’t feel like she’s the only one talking. One part of the conversation I remember goes somewhat like this:

“Have you ever fallen in love?” I asked her.

“Me? No. Not yet!” she answered me, somewhat embarrassed. She leaned on the handrail, facing the horizon, her chin resting on her crossed arms on top of the handrail. “If I could tell my heart when to fall in love, I’d tell it to keep waiting until I find the person who I could love for the rest of my life.”

I walked beside her and leaned my back against the handrail. “If you could tell your heart when to fall in love, then how would you know if you could love a certain person? After all, you won’t feel love towards that person…” I asked, looking at her.

She turned her head to face the sky, as if to ponder on what I just said. “Hmm, I think I know what you mean. And you’re right…” she paused to stand up properly, brushing off her school uniform with her hand, and then she faced me. “Okay, then I just wish I wouldn’t fall in love until it is with the person I could love for the rest of my life.”

“You have weird wishes,” I laughed.

She turned to the horizon once again, “I just don’t want to be in a position where I have to hurt a person I once loved just to be happy with another person I love. When the time comes that I fall in love, I want the feeling to remain forever…” then she faced me again. “Except if the person I love is just plain bad.”

“Well, you could just stay loyal with the person you first gave your love to. Loving a person requires sacrifice, after all.”

She smiled and turned to the horizon once more. “Yeah… you’re right. It’s just that I don’t think it would be fair to be with a person while having someone else on your mind. It wouldn’t be fair to that person, I mean.”

“I guess…” I muttered, not knowing if she heard me, but not wanting to repeat myself either.

After a few moments of silently enjoying the atmosphere, Rinei told me it’s time for her to go and left. I watched her leave the school grounds from the rooftop before leaving.

Day1

It was just like other days. Even if our teachers gave us a lot of assignments, I took time to check the school roof.

It was the end of another busy day. Strangely, as I arrived at the school roof to check, I saw her there, gazing at the setting sun. She heard me come in and turned to me with a smile.

“You really go up here everyday, don’t you, Izaki-kun?” she asked me.

“Um… yeah,” I replied, hoping she doesn’t find out that it was because of her that I do. “I usually don't see you here when we have homework, though. What’s with the change?” I asked.

She turned to look at the sunset before answering. “You’re right. I see you here every time I go up. Yet, we both act as if the other person isn’t here. So, right now I want to change that.”

I walked toward her left side and looked at the view with her. “You could have done that some other day…”

“No, I wanted to do it before I change my mind or hesitate,” she answered.

We stayed there and talked until around six pm. I really enjoyed myself, and I think she did as well. No topic in particular, just random things… She left after noticing the time, saying she had to go home. I waved goodbye to her. And she waved back.