Day11

Winter break has ended. The white blanket that once covered the whole city is pretty much gone. Nothing remained of it but a few puddles in the streets. The city is once again filled with people; from little children walking to school with backpacks on their back to the elderly people taking a walk.

I once again treaded on the familiar path towards my school. The memories I gained from the last semester lingered as dark blurred images in my mind. Chatters and laughter surrounded me and, at the same time, echoed from a distance. Arriving at the front gate of my school, I paused for a bit, as if to decide on whether to enter or not. Keeping my goals in mind, the answer was already clear. I took a deep breath and stepped into the rest of my life.

I held the handle of the classroom door, imagining myself entering a silent and dismal place. Opening the door brought me back to reality. Nothing really changed. Everyone was as lively as ever. No one can see or feel the emptiness I felt. A couple of them turned my way and gave me a nod, as if to greet me. I forced myself to smile a little smile and nodded back before they turned away. I glanced towards Miya’s seat, where I found her seemingly absorbed in a book she was reading. When I accidentally slammed the door, she jumped a bit and quickly turned to my direction. I raised my hand, in a pitiful attempt to wave at her. She smiled and waved back, before going back to her book.

Am I the only one feeling like this right now? I wondered. I glanced towards Hitori’s empty seat before going to my own.

Hitori arrived a few minutes later. Upon seeing him open the door, I turned my attention outside, looking at pretty much nothing.

Lunch time was back to before I got close to her. Miya stopped coming to eat with us. I had a feeling she might do so to get closer to Hitori, but I never even saw her looking his way.

I remained in my seat after classes. I’ve had mixed feelings about going up to the school roof. It wasn’t like I can’t look at her as a friend anymore. I went up there before we were even close to one another. I had no good reason why I shouldn’t go up. I guess I was just afraid of how we may act when together. I’ve always believed that it’s very easy to remain friends with someone who used to be your girlfriend unless you broke up through a fight. But I started believing otherwise. In the end, I couldn’t get myself to go up and just went home.