Miya's Letter

Dear Kyosei,

All my life, I’ve been searching for a perfect fantasy-like romance. When I was a child, my mother used to read fairy tales to me. As I grew up, I kept on reading romance books. I’ve always clung to the dream of one day finding a prince that will sweep me off my feet and give me a happy ending. It was naïve and childish, but that dream kept me looking forward to the days to come.

As you probably know, I was quite a studious person. I always kept my nose in a book and focused on my studies, so much that I had no time to spend with anyone. My parents had high expectations from me and I wanted to do my best not to fall short of these expectations. But there was a time when I got careless in a test and I had a low score. It wasn’t that low and I could make up for it by studying further, I told myself. Unfortunately, my father didn’t share my optimism and scolded me for being careless.

I found myself on the school rooftop the next day, looking at the vast world outside the school. I removed the ribbon from my hair to enjoy the wind blowing against my hair. It was a liberating feeling. But it hardly made me feel better. I’ve started thinking of how insignificant my existence was. I saw myself as a small petal only noticed on a flower; a petal no one will miss if it falls. The angry voice of my father echoed in my head. I realized that he only saw me for my achievements and not as me. I’ve began wondering if I would be missed if I was gone. If my father will regret scolding me afterwards, then serves him right. I had just finished preparing myself to jump off the rooftop and get everything over with when I was startled by the opening of the door behind me. I met you, and I couldn’t jump anymore as I'm afraid of how witnessing that would affect you.

Day after day, I returned to the rooftop to try again, but you always came before I could even go beyond the handrails. At first, I didn’t come during busy days since I wanted to keep my grades up so my parents wouldn’t suspect anything. But I got careless once again and my father scolded me once more. Thinking you might not have the time to go to the rooftop if we had lots of homework, I tried again during a busy day. But you were still there. You asked me why I was there that day and I quickly came up with an excuse. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking, and I really enjoyed myself. On that day, I found something new to look forward to.

For some reason, I found it really easy to share my stories and fantasies with you. I felt like I could just share anything. There were a few times when I thought you were just nodding away without really listening to my random ramblings, but I didn’t care.

Then came the necklace that you said made me fall for you. Looking back to everything that has happened, I can’t say I don’t believe you entirely. But it would really be funny if that ugly thing really had that ability. But assuming that it was real, thankful as I am that it made me fall for you, I don’t think you should keep it. After all, if love is only held together by something, then it’s hardly love.

I really didn’t understand the reason why you love me. But I know I loved you because I love the me that is with you. You made me feel special. With you, I felt more than just a petal of a flower. That’s why I am sure my love for you is real.

Our story was far from perfect. It was not like the romantic fantasies I had been clinging to all my life. I was not the perfect princess and you were hardly the prince I had imagined would sweep me off my feet. But it was our story and I loved it.

I am really thankful to you, Yumi, and the rest of the class. All of you showed me that I wasn’t as insignificant as I believed. All of you showed me that there are still people who would miss me if I was gone. All of you gave me a reason to cling to life.

My parents didn’t like my spending so much time in the school after classes. Knowing they won’t believe me if I said I had been studying the whole time, I told them the truth, and father didn’t like it. At first, he scolded me every day and mom always tried to calm him down. I don’t even know how many times I’ve been grounded. I ignored his scolding and kept meeting you anyway. Soon, father got tired of scolding me and decided that I have to go study overseas after I graduate. I didn’t like it, but mother convinced me to agree, saying they would only approve of my spending after classes with you if I agreed.

So now, I have to leave you. I’d like to think of this as a beginning of new stories for us, and not the end of one. I can’t ask you to wait for me, as I don’t even know what will happen and I don’t want to keep you from finding your happiness. I really believe someone would love you more than I did. So please don’t wait for me. Live on!

Farewell,
Miya