Day15

A new day arrived. Everything was finally back to normal, though not the same as when Miya and I were a couple. When Miya and I greeted each other this morning, I saw a puzzled Hitori looking at the two of us.

Hitori acted like a kid playing spy games for the whole day, peeking at the two of us when we talked, while hiding behind a book. Of course, I played along with him, pretending that I didn’t notice him doing what he’s been doing.

He seemed contented by what he saw after classes and didn’t tell me anything about his findings. Hopefully, he concluded that he imagined the distance between us yesterday.

I saw Miya at her usual place again. I silently closed the door behind me and went to the spot beside her as stealthily as I could. It didn’t seem to me like she noticed my entrance. “The sky seems so close, isn’t it?” I asked.

Miya seemed startled and quickly turned to me. “But even if we extend our hands as far as we could,” I continued as I extended my hand in front of me. “We can’t even come close to touching it.” I finished dramatically.

“What the heck did you eat?” Miya exclaimed while laughing.

“What? I thought it was cool!” I replied.

Miya crossed her arms and placed her right hand on her chin. “Hmm… Maybe if you had a background song. Something slow at first but will change later on.” She hummed an unfamiliar tune. “Kinda like that.”

I stared at her for a while. Turning my head to the view in front of me, I answered, “Maybe I’ll work on it.”

I heard her stifle a laugh before asking, “So, what’s up?”

I wanted to ask her how she feels about the two of us being together again, but I couldn’t find the courage to say it. “Do you want me to help pair you up with Hitori?” I asked instead, turning to her. I felt so stupid asking that, but there was no way to take back my words.

She looked at me with a concerned face before turning her head away and looking down. “That’s not necessary,” she answered. Lifting her left hand to tuck her hair behind her ears, she continued, “I’m already over him.” The wind blew her hair and her hair danced to the wind.

Hearing those words boosted my confidence a little. If I were to ask, I thought it was the best time. “So, does that mean we-”

“I can’t get back together with you,” her words cut me short. She turned to look at my eyes and looked away. “We should just stay friends.”

Her words hurt a lot. But those words only meant she didn’t love me anymore, so I didn’t want to urge her to change her mind. “Ouch, got it.” I tried to laugh, turning to the view in front of me again.

We stayed silent for a long time after that, just watching the sun sink behind the buildings. But I felt that if I didn’t say anything to make us feel better, things will become awkward again. “If there’s someone else you like, I would be happy to help you.” I told her with a shaky smile.

An upset Miya looked turned to me and turned away again. “A person like me isn’t allowed to love and be loved. I mustn’t be selfish anymore.”

Those words of hers depressed me. I realized she was still punishing herself for breaking up with me, and I can’t just let her be like that. “Then why are you being so selfish?” I asked.

“Huh?” she turned to me. “How am I selfish?”

I smiled and placed my hand on her head. “You’re carrying all the pain by yourself. If you really wanted me to be your friend, then you should share your pain with me.”

Miya crossed her arms on the railing and rested her buried her face in her arms. “You know I’m still feeling guilty about breaking up with you, right?”

“Of course,” was my reply.

“Then you should know that it was me who wavered and is at fault,” she said with a shaky voice.

“True,” I sighed. “But there were two hearts that were broken that night. Is only one allowed to cry over it?”

Miya slowly turned to me. Tears streamed down her cute face. At that moment, she looked so fragile and innocent. It was as if she was ready to shatter with just a small impact.

I reached for her head and pulled her a little. She moved along with the smallest strength and I wrapped her in my arms. “I’m not asking for permission to love you as I know I will continue to do so even if you refuse. What I’m asking is whether or not you would return the favor.”

She lifted her arms to wrap my body before whispering, “I guess I can’t escape selfishness. Then allow me to be as selfish as I want.”

I continued holding her. She was so soft that I wanted to hug her as tightly as I could, but, at the same time, so fragile that I felt like I have to hold back. When I felt a little content, I tried asking what I’ve wanted to ask for a while. “Does that mean we’re together again?”

Miya pulled her arms then pushed herself away from me. ”Huh?” she asked.

Her reaction made me nervous. Scratching my head, I asked, “I mean… Are we… I mean are you…” I couldn’t manage to finish my sentences as I looked at Miya’s angry expression.

“You think I’m your girlfriend again?” she asked.

She was smaller than me. But I felt so sheepish and small in her glare. Sighing deeply, I finally answered, “Yes! That’s what I wanted to ask.”

Her angry expression didn’t hold out and she giggled. Smiling at me, she asked, “Would you take me?”

I felt so happy and relieved that I pulled her and hugged her tightly, forgetting to hold back. I listened to her laughter as she hugged me back.

In just that afternoon… no

In just the past few days

I’ve witnessed different sides of Miya. A strong girl, who carried all her pain behind a smile; an honest girl, who revealed to me everything she went through with just a look; a distant girl, who seemed so far away with her thoughts; a cheerful girl, who I always looked forward to seeing; a confused girl, who seemed so lost; a cold girl, who seemed so different from the Miya I knew; a loving girl, who looked at me so longingly; a selfless girl, who shouldered all the pain; a depressed girl, who felt she had no right to be happy; a fragile girl, who seemed ready to shatter at any moment; a scary girl, within whose eyes I felt so weak and helpless in; and the girl I just embraced in my arms, whom I don’t want to ever let go of. Every side of her was different from the rest, yet all were fragments which complete the girl I fell in love with.